a message to FEAR

Hey, so everybody wants me to ignore you, forget you exist and just continue on with life like you are some one night stand I just ghosted. And although this might be the easy way out I don't think it's fair to do that to you. You see, even though you have made it incredibly difficult for me over the last couple of years, by causing me to doubt myself, not start that project, not post that picture and not complete that assignment, you have also gotten me this far. You have kept me alive. 

I want to acknowledge that I see you and I am deeply grateful for all that you have done. Deeply grateful. You have protected me from snakes, from driving recklessly, heck you even helped me avoid major financial loss.  

So you see, I cannot just ignore you. You mean too much to me, but I would like to inform you of a decision I am making. 

This decision involves you, well it involves the both of us. I want to explore new things, like my dreams and the infinite possibilities of life. And in order to do that I need you to be quiet and I say that with so much love and compassion. I need you to be there to protect me because I deeply care for you, but I need to be able to explore other things as well. Like some sort of very selfish polyamorous relationship where I am getting the best of both worlds. 

I'm sorry if you feel taken advantage of or that I am being a dick, but understand that you have been in charge of this relationship for far too long. You have been making most of the decisions, this might not be something you wanted to hear today, but I needed this talk. I have plans and I need you to understand them.

So to paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert - I am going to go on an adventure. We will pack the car together, make sure we have enough food for the trip, toiletries etc, but when it comes to driving I'm gonna need to you to sit in the back and not say anything. You cannot give me any suggestions or any tips and tricks... nothing. Just be there. 

Now you might be saying "why should you tag along if you are not going to make any of the decisions?" well you see, if you are not there, we both die and I don't want that, not now. When I need you to drive I will let you know, like if we see a bear or something, but anything that involves my dreams and goals, I'm gonna need you to zip it. 

This is all I ask Fear, I deeply love you, but I need to go on an adventure now. So buckle up.